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The truth to being a human living with pain

*Trigger warning - this blog contains mentions of feeling suicidal

I’m going to share something with you that not many of us even share with our families and friends. I have endometriosis, and I have previously felt suicidal because of it. From the outside, nothing looked wrong- I had friends, family, a busy career and I have a face that most frequently wears a smile.

Yet behind all this, was pain, sleepless nights, brain fog, and lost days alone- crying and wrapped around a heat-pack.

At its worst, I lost about ten days in every month to endometriosis. Ten days where my partner would tell people “I had a cold” because “period pain” didn’t seem to be an acceptable -or accepted- reason to miss social events. Ten days that I tried to struggle through work, using painkillers, deep heat, and stick on heat patches. Days when my former male GP told me that my “period pain” was normal- even though I already had the diagnosis of Endometriosis; but he could give me sleeping tablets for insomnia, antidepressants for the low mood, and perhaps stronger pain killers if I really needed them (“but do you??!”).

Nobody knew or understood the impact that endometriosis was truly having on my life. And I carried on, as many of us with chronic pain do, pretending that everything was okay- hiding my symptoms, minimising them as “feeling a bit off”, and generally trying to be superwoman.

Then my husband and I house sat for a friend. After 3 nights of endo-induced insomnia, I found myself sat alone in my friend’s bath for two hou